6/20/17.....Surgery Day Part 2!
Tuesday June 20th-
(Continued from the last post)
In the last post, I was telling you about our time in the holding room with Judson, where we gave him tons of kisses, snuggles, prayed with him/for him, and....shed tears. Yes, we cried. I hope my posts never come across that I am a "super tough mom", who never worried and never fretted!! My Lord gave such sweet peace that day, and in that holding room, but I can't explain the feeling of seeing the nurse carry my smiley Juddy out of the room, him looking at me over her shoulder, me knowing what was about to happen.....my mama heart broke in peices for my baby.
After Judson left the room, my sweet husband stepped in, knowing I was struggling. He immediately asked our nurse if there was a way to the cafeteria, without having to go back through the waiting room, where our family was. He knows me. He knew I wasn't ready to face our friends and family, I wasn't ready to face the questions about "how did it go?!" So the nurse SO GRACIOUSLY walked us all the way down, through staff only areas....where Josh bought me a coffee and muffin before we returned upstairs! (Coffee is always the way to this mama's heart!)
During the next 4 hours i tried to stay as busy as possible. At one time I looked at Josh and said....."his skull is off right now...and I think I'm going to throw up". He said....those things aren't for us to think about. So I just stayed busy, so I wouldn't think about it! We got snacks for our girls, watched them play, nursed my Jackson, talked with our friends and family, rocked Marlee to sleep....etc! Quickly, 2 hours had passed and we got a call!! Dr. Bonfield was done with his part of the surgery and was ready to talk to us! We entered a little room and waited.......
He came in, looking happy, fresh, awake, not stressed at all (I'll never understand how they don't look completely drained after taking a baby's skull off, and protecting his precious brain!!!). He told us that Judson had done beautifully, had no problems, and everything went exactly how they expected! We were so thankful!!!
2 more hours went by quickly...and we got the next call...the surgery was complete and Dr.Kelly would be out to speak with us soon!!! When he came in, he also said that Judson did wonderful, with no issues whatsoever!!! IT WAS OVER!! We couldn't believe it!! They said it would be about 45 mins to an hour before we could see him in recovery....however almost as soon as we got back to the waiting room, they called us to go see him!! I squeezed Joshs hand VERY TIGHT, all the way from the waiting room, to the PACU (Recovery room). I was so scared to turn that corner and see my baby. I had prepared myself for months. I knew he would have multiple IVs, a drain tube, catheter ...that his head would be wrapped, the whole 9 yards. But when I got the first glimpse of him, I lost it. He looked so pitiful, he was pale, I wanted to hold him in my arms but I couldn't.
I’ve seen God's children walk thru the darkest of midnight
I’ve witnessed faith put to the test
And I have watched as the storms flew in with the thunder
But in each trial HE KNOWS WHAT'S BEST
And I am so glad He knows what’s best!!!!
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING...we are not supposed to understand, things are not meant for us to understand or figure out.....we are just supposed to trust! In your trial today, don't try to figure the ending out, don't look for solutions and ways out of your storm, don't fret about what the next step is.....JUST TRUST!!!
(Continued from the last post)
In the last post, I was telling you about our time in the holding room with Judson, where we gave him tons of kisses, snuggles, prayed with him/for him, and....shed tears. Yes, we cried. I hope my posts never come across that I am a "super tough mom", who never worried and never fretted!! My Lord gave such sweet peace that day, and in that holding room, but I can't explain the feeling of seeing the nurse carry my smiley Juddy out of the room, him looking at me over her shoulder, me knowing what was about to happen.....my mama heart broke in peices for my baby.
After Judson left the room, my sweet husband stepped in, knowing I was struggling. He immediately asked our nurse if there was a way to the cafeteria, without having to go back through the waiting room, where our family was. He knows me. He knew I wasn't ready to face our friends and family, I wasn't ready to face the questions about "how did it go?!" So the nurse SO GRACIOUSLY walked us all the way down, through staff only areas....where Josh bought me a coffee and muffin before we returned upstairs! (Coffee is always the way to this mama's heart!)
During the next 4 hours i tried to stay as busy as possible. At one time I looked at Josh and said....."his skull is off right now...and I think I'm going to throw up". He said....those things aren't for us to think about. So I just stayed busy, so I wouldn't think about it! We got snacks for our girls, watched them play, nursed my Jackson, talked with our friends and family, rocked Marlee to sleep....etc! Quickly, 2 hours had passed and we got a call!! Dr. Bonfield was done with his part of the surgery and was ready to talk to us! We entered a little room and waited.......
He came in, looking happy, fresh, awake, not stressed at all (I'll never understand how they don't look completely drained after taking a baby's skull off, and protecting his precious brain!!!). He told us that Judson had done beautifully, had no problems, and everything went exactly how they expected! We were so thankful!!!
2 more hours went by quickly...and we got the next call...the surgery was complete and Dr.Kelly would be out to speak with us soon!!! When he came in, he also said that Judson did wonderful, with no issues whatsoever!!! IT WAS OVER!! We couldn't believe it!! They said it would be about 45 mins to an hour before we could see him in recovery....however almost as soon as we got back to the waiting room, they called us to go see him!! I squeezed Joshs hand VERY TIGHT, all the way from the waiting room, to the PACU (Recovery room). I was so scared to turn that corner and see my baby. I had prepared myself for months. I knew he would have multiple IVs, a drain tube, catheter ...that his head would be wrapped, the whole 9 yards. But when I got the first glimpse of him, I lost it. He looked so pitiful, he was pale, I wanted to hold him in my arms but I couldn't.
When we walked in, the nurse introduced herself to us and said he was still sedated and had been doing great! As soon as we spoke to him....he started getting very anxious, was in a lot of pain, and almost bucked out of the seat they had him in. It scared us to death to see him like that. She quickly gave him morphine to get his pain under control and to calm him down. We waited with him in the PACU for a little over an hour. As we waited, they came and told us that he needed a blood transfusion. We were scared again. We knew this was a possiblilty, but once again, it was scary when we faced it. They started the transfusion, and when a room came available in the PICU, they transferred us upstairs!
The PICU.....OUR LITTLE HOME FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS!!
Madelyn and Marlee getting to see him after surgery!
The first night...left eye starting to swell.
Nana, Papaw, the girls, Jackson, Grammy, More Grammy, Savanna, Brianna, Candace, and Doris all were able to come into the PICU (2 at a time), to see Juddy!!
Surgery Day was over!!! We were on the other side!!! That promise the Lord gave...."let us pass over unto the other side"...had been fulfilled! He promised there would be an "other side "....He didn't promise the other side would be easy, would be good, would be healthy or safe....just promised there would be an "other side". BUT GOD. But God in his grace and mercy heard our prayers and the prayers of literally hundreds of people praying for our baby, and graciously allowed our other side to be one of health, life, healing, and joy!!! We can't thank the Lord enough, and for all the people that have prayed for Judson!!
I often think....im so thankful the Lord chose to heal my baby. But what if He wouldn't have chosen that path for Judson? What if the "other side" for Juddy, was to be in the Lord's presence? Would i still have praised God for his mercy and grace, for his peace and love?
I don't know the answer to that question, but I hope I would have. I hope I would have trusted my Lord. I hope I would've realized the plans He has for our lives, are better than the plans I could ever dream up for us! There were multiple songs that comforted my heart during this time, but one that I'm thinking of right now says this:
I’ve witnessed faith put to the test
And I have watched as the storms flew in with the thunder
But in each trial HE KNOWS WHAT'S BEST
And I am so glad He knows what’s best!!!!
Child of God.....we can always rest in the fact that HE does know what's best! He created us, He created the path for our life, and His ways our higher than ours.
Is life easy for a Christian? Since we are God's children, why do bad things happen? We do our best to live a good life, to follow the Lord, but still tragic things happen, how is that fair???
I've heard SO many people ask these kinds of questions, and the easy answer to it all is.....when God saves us, He doesn't promise us a bed of roses. His life wasn't a bed of roses, wasn't easy, didn't come without heartache. So if the Son of God, the Savior of the world had trials and pain, why would we expect not to? Proverbs 3:5 says
LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING...we are not supposed to understand, things are not meant for us to understand or figure out.....we are just supposed to trust! In your trial today, don't try to figure the ending out, don't look for solutions and ways out of your storm, don't fret about what the next step is.....JUST TRUST!!!
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